


Paint me a reason to exist

by sadfuckboy



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, everyone is a john green character, idk what this is tbh... kinda surrealistic?, maybe trainee times?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7770481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadfuckboy/pseuds/sadfuckboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Running away from the world to Seoul's deep night might help you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paint me a reason to exist

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by this: https://vine.co/v/OU5zIzZmvEp

“Let's run away." 

Black hoodie rested on his shoulders as the boy stood at the doorway. The light from the street was purely electrical, so it could be seen it's that part of the night. 

Hanbin brushed his eyes, maybe not really asleep -during these times he never was-, but unfocused and tired nonetheless.  
"Mmhh. What do you mean? we can't..? Mmm.. It’s so late.. Jiwon.." 

Jiwon smiled and continued with his speech from the door, "hey, even if it's just for tonight. Lets just forget everything and do it. Lets go! Just you and me." Light danced in his eyes, he looked like a man who has found all the answers. Even though he was the opposite, something better. He was the man who had accepted that he didn't have a single answer. He almost vibrated from his spontaneous energy. 

Hanbin lifted the covers and slowly started to get up. Everything was dizzy. Words stumbled out of his mouth like always when his mind was trying to get a grasp of everything. "Tomorrow is important.. Time is.. It’s a mess.. Ah.. Really... just out of the blue?"  
Jiwon smiled and, despite his negative words, Hanbin stretched and stood up from his wooden bed. A little wobbly but he managed. 

Hanbin tried to reach for the other, eyes still half closed, just like his mind, but his efforts weren’t successful. Jiwon moved closer and stedied Hanbin by placing his hands on his shoulders.  
"Mmhh your hands are so cold" hanbin grunted while only acting enough to dig his forehead into the soft fabric of the black hoodie. Jiwon smelled like cheap but strong cologne. It was a very familiar scent that always calmed Hanbin down.

Then, standing next to jiwon, bit by bit, he woke up his brain. Thoughts roamed in and questioned each other before Hanbin even got time to ask their opinion. 

Between the two boys, Hanbin was always the one more bound to earth, responsible and stressed. 

He hated it. 

He hated how the night felt absolute, just like the day. And how he couldn't escape their bounds. He needed jiwon, and he needed this. Whatever this was. Maybe it was the release he always talked about with jiwon on times when the night grew old or the day was about to be born.

 

After a minute or few, Muffled words wander away from the fabric, "so.. I guess… I guess this isn't much of a thinking problem -with you it never is..-” Hanbin blowed a little air into Jiwon’s shoulder. “..so are we going now or...?"  
Even after his years of staying on edge all the time, from behind his absolute exhaustion, hanbin really did find the screaming excitement to rip out of it all for a brief moment.

“I knew it! Our minds are fucking bind together. Always!" Jiwon smiled and jumped slightly back. Waving his arms in a victorious motion, closing his fists. 

Then he showed all his teeth and stopped his moving, pointing at hanbin. "Dress up smile boy, on this night your imago has no meaning." 

Smiling warmly, Hanbin picked up a pair of loose jeans. While he was still pulling them up he got hit by a huge hoodie. He laughs that stress-free laugh only jiwon can bring out of him. Small things make the world, and because of Jiwon, Hanbin’s life was full of them. 

When Hanbin finally pulls on the hoodie he feels… content.  
He gives Jiwon a low-five before they head to the door. And so, without more words or thoughts, they step to the blackness and hold hands.

 

\---

 

People say Seoul never sleeps. like the human soul, it stays up and searches for it's meaning. A city never thinks but by just being it can ask. People who listen will try to speak, but the city will never get it's answers. 

Once again, like the human spirit, it'll never know who it is, it only knows what people tell it.

 

\--

 

Hanbin is led to the world of dimly lit walk tunnels and brightly smiling street food cooks. It's the small, less eventful areas but what could possibly be better? A place where people look each other in the eyes beats the anonymity of tourist resorts every time.  
Folk from all around fill the late night streets, and when the night gets the deepest Hanbin swears not everyone he meets is a human. 

Not that it matters. Everything the night lets him see is just the foggy background to what was really important: the way Jiwon's teeth shined like the sorrowful moon when he came from the cart with steaming food in his hands.  
The night was about how he looked at hanbin in the eye and how hanbin only saw him. 

Jiwon didn't shine in the starlight, the stars shined for him. Because they knew, just like hanbin knew, that no other creature like Jiwon had ever walked on earth. 

He was like the bold lions carved from gold, the ones that roamed the lands before concrete was even a thought. But not quite, since he didn't glide in sunlight and he saw importance in everything, while still completely ignoring it. 

Jiwon saw what hanbin was and even though hanbin struggled, he also saw all that Jiwon was. They knew, they loved, they stayed. 

 

 

Hanbin was nowadays made of anxious shivers, long nights and hidden tears. He was trapped in a hole. Hole he digged himself with someone else's shovel, while everyone stood next to the edge and asked what the hole was for. Day by day he looked at what he had made and questioned how he’d get out of it as a winner.  
But still, everytime, Jiwon was there to rip him out of it, out of whatever he had gotten trapped in, and lead him to a new clear state. He had watched the hole hanbin stood in and asked if he wanted help. And when the answer was not there, he still jumped in, telling him his swimming pool was going to be pretty dope.

 

-

Hanbin became calmer and calmer the further the night rolled. He felt like the sky spoke and the wind blew just for him, for them.

At peace, they just sat in a small tunnel. Artificial light coloring them in weird shades and night air cleaning their lungs. People passed and didn't pass. Some stared as they rested their heads on each other. 

 

"It's a pretty tunnel" hanbin murmured, he was so calm that it felt like a trance. Some of his peace had caught itself on Jiwon, since the energy in him for once didn't scream to get out. It had made its bed and proceeded to rest for tonight.

 

"Is that all you got?" Jiwon smirks after the words left their first home.  
Hanbin lightly laughs and snuggles closer. Slight hums vibrate the air around him. It was a rhythm liked but forgot the name of. He remembers the drum solo and gets lost in the thought of it for a while. It really was a calm, calm night.

As Hanbin stares at the cracked asphalt he realizes something not that surprising. And something he weirdly wants to say out loud.  
He looks up a bit, at the other's face. Jiwon looks at the wall, mind somewhere else and a small smile on his lips.

 

"Jiwon, you're my salvation."  
Hanbin’s eyes change their gaze back to the road. It was a silly, weird choice of words. but really, it was true. 

Jiwon blinks fast to scare sleep away and turns his head to look at him. Hanbin quickly peeks at him and sees that Jiwon looks surprised, Hanbin feels like he needs to give more. More words and more of himself. 

“Like.. I’m not sure how to explain this.. ah.. you know how painters use a lot of colors and create stuff that doesn’t feel like it could exist in the real world?” Jiwon nods and tilts his head like puppies do when they find importance in the voices they hear.  
“well.. I kinda feel you actually make those things in the real world. I never thought of myself as a dreamer, but I guess you woke that part of me. Everyday I expect prettier and prettier things. I used to not have that.” 

Jiwon turns back to stare at the wall and smiles lightly. Hanbin almost feels embarrassment but he calms it down by concentrating on how jiwon’s curls lightly play with the wind. He really didn’t have a reason to fear what he just spilled, since for some reason Jiwon always concentrated and found beauty in the letters hanbin let out.

The silence doesn’t have much time to exist until Jiwon smiles and speaks up.  
“You know... when stuff constantly spins around you like you’re trapped in a blender, honestly, nothing has importance. They say I don’t have that much thoughts. But really, I never stopped to stare and wonder, because none of these small things caught my eye. I just kinda rolled with life. until I saw you.” Jiwon schuckled.  
“you do know you’re one of the most strongly existing creatures in this world? I feel like you connect to life with a bond that others can only dream of. Every day you prove this to be more and more true. You don’t own shit to the world and still you give it more than it deserves.” Jiwon smiles and finally turns to look at Hanbin.

Hanbin stares back, eyes focusing on Jiwon, mind spinning. The only hearable voice came from the electric lights. 

It’s weird, and almost comic, how you always know your own big words for someone, but you never really know when they have words just as big for you. Even though he already was closer to Jiwon that he had ever been to anyone else, this night had opened all the gates. The village people were ready to meet each other and become one nation.

 

Time starts to move again and Hanbin smiles like he just saw an angel. (Maybe he did.) Jiwon copies him like a mirror and moves even closer. Both physically and mentally warm. Eyes still closed, he softly laughs and wonders, “How did I say that so easily..”  
Hanbin looks at him and laughs too. “It felt nice.” 

They laugh together for a while, neither of them really knows the reason, but the other’s joy is so contaminating there’s nowhere to go about it. As their laughter finally starts to settle, Jiwon moves rests his forehead on hanbin’s, his palms just slightly hold on the fabric covering Hanbin’s wrists  
“man.. you’re so soft.” 

Hanbin opens his eyes to look at Jiwon. He still has his eyes closed and he looks even calmer, while still clearly sorting through emotions. Hanbin’s heart flips like a ropedancer in a show’s climax.  
“hmh, so are you.”

\----

They both lay on each other, lazily staring at the same wall. The night rolls around and asks them to play. Wiggles its tail and stick it’s tongue out. But it only gets pats on it’s head, so it lays to rest next to the boys’ legs. Time moves, maybe. Their phones stay silent like even faith was afraid to break something beautiful.

 

"Do you think we'll live forever?"

**Author's Note:**

> tumbler @ kohmettunutlapsi
> 
> So yea I didn't wanna put any actual notes in the beginning since I have a habit of over roasting myself and at least for me when authors are super negative I get negative too and view their content in a overly harsh way.
> 
> But yea I wrote the base for this at like 2am maybe months ago and tried to make it into something publishable and not just me pouring lame ideas to my iphone's note app. But idk, even if you can look at it with a clean eye and not see it as a clishe, it's badly phased. 
> 
> But I'll try to be better! Writing is really nice wow. 
> 
> It's funny how I went from a person who really disliked irl-people-fanfiction into a person who writes it. Of course this is all just barely inspired and completely distanced from the actual people.. why am I having this speech, whoa now sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> Feedback is really appreciated!


End file.
